in response to our arrogance

I am really responding to the idea that all people justifiably have some sort of agenda. We in our ministry and in our thoughts and in our needs to love people and journey with them still have some sort of agenda. Maybe i am wrong is saying this but, it feels very true when you really admit the demons...to say the least that are knocking at our door.

I am close to a ministry that is very beautiful...it is called the Drummond House. It's new if you have never heard of it and really it is a beautiful vision that has come to fruition. Her name is mom she is the one who had the vision and the dream to build a home for women and children to come to that is safe and warm and well "a home". Beauty has it pains though...i would call those birthing pains. When someone has a vision...someone gets lost. Me? No. Her? yes! Fundamentally we all have an agenda? Right? And hers was to build a home a create a place of safety....and we her children have become the ones through which relationship has suffered. We don't know her unless we call...we don't see her unless we drop by....days go by and i still rarely hear her voice. Oh how i miss her voice...soft caring, loving and gentle.

Here i am 23 years old and i am curious what ministry's does to people's lives that we love. They take there time, they move them away, and they take them from their families. I see my other friend well my sister, be taken into the church and embraced and loved and then taken advantage of. I say..."THEY JUST GOT MARRIED, LEAVE THEM BE... DUMB ASS CHURCH" but no they will take and they will abuse until one day. My sister and her husband ask the question "who are you"?". I fear that for her...for my mom...and honestly sometimes for all of us who are so deeply entrenched in church ministry.

I really love what mom has to offer...and i can't seem to get my head around the idea that i am hurt by it. How can i hate something that will give hope to people? How can i not be involved when they needs just a pair of hands to help. Selfish? Me ? No way? ....well that is not true. I am selfish and stubborn and i am one who carries my own agenda...to all, to the suffering, to people who are loving people. To the world? I really hate myself for that...that demon that lurks on my back. but tell me what to do...? Someone tell me what to do...