The evidence

The evidence tells you everything right? Well here we are living in a inner-city community we have no evidence of the fact that we are here and making an impact on our community. This really got to me. But since having a decusion with some friends i have realized that you never arrive at where you are by shere wanting. You need to build your relationship, pour into one another and notice the change that is happening between me husband and I. At the root of it all the evidence is clear we are stuggling to know and be in a love relationship with each other. Maybe God is some weird way has not brought people to join us here because we are not prepared yet. I do however have that longing for the community aspect of things but i recognize the bigger picture. It sets me free from the chains that say you need evidence of what and who you are now. Well just ask jord and there will be evidence in our marriage.

the evidence doesn't need to speak in the case that two hearts are becoming one. I see it in him (jord) and i hope he sees it in me. I will search no longer for evidence in community until we are finished with working on being one.

I often question?

Sometimes i really am bombarded with the ideas of others. I am moved people's decisions and someone's comments always cause me to question. See here i am a person who states i have been a christian since i was a young girl. Yep that was me...nobody made me do it...it just kinda was a personal decision. Well know that i am 23 and yes i know that is not very old, i question a lot that people have to say in the Christian world. Not sure really if I want to buy everything that i hear...and i often defend those that are not your so called Christians. At any rate...here i am trying to understand how we can interpret the scriptures without a teacher? And when we have a teacher who is he/she? I sometimes think there is only a few that i trust, but i generally trust them because they see the world the way i do. What do i do with those teachers who don't. Well i want to toss what they say away. I don't even want to be in the same room. When i speak of Jesus it really bothers me that the only way certain people say you can know him is through the bible? i have a really hard time justifying the person of Christ and knowing him through words. Sometimes words that i make into my own unless someone is teaching me what they mean. At the risk of sounding silly, what the hell..you know?

I read the message written by NT Wright on the John 15 i am the vine you are the branches and i am enlightened that he presents the person of Jesus, the history of the Jewish people and then the understanding of the text and what it may mean. I liked what he had to say. My husband found it so don't ask me where? But someone i am under authority of tell me this long interpretation of this passage and it makes me want to vomit out...."who is the Christ you know?" cause i don't know a Christ who said you will know me through the scriptures mostly! I thought he was a Christ the showed us how to live and who he lived his life with...if we are to know a person should we not do as the person...and i am not just talking about living the fruits of the spirit i mean actually being like Jesus to the poor the lonely and the oppressed.

I think that is all...i need to find a teacher that i can learn from? anyone know of someone?
jill

at the risk of sounding like a naturopath

I have recently discovered that i didn't enjoy who i was. That most or all of my time spent was either being upset or getting upset in that moment. You may laugh but i have choosen to go off what we call the thing that saves us all from not having Children "at the wrong time". I have spoken to many women that have said that the Pill makes you feel crazy, fat, and well lets just say not good. I may have been told by a few people that i could just be experiencing "marriage" but i still new i wasn't who i wanted to be. So i am not a crunchy granola...although i do believe their values to be good...but i am a women saying somethings gotta give and well the first step is getting rid of that dam Pill.

I will let you all know if this is making a differnce in me? I would be curious to see...so far i feel better...HA wouldn't the doctors love that?

signed
the one who no longer partakes of the Pill