i cried it is true...today i cried and was angry and well all the emotions that one can feel at once. I have the sign that says "for sale" that is my house is for sale. It really is hard and really weird and all together scary. I go the nerves today about living with other people...cause you see i like my space, i like my things, and well frankly i really like it all to myself!
Sharing is so hard, and i don't mean sharing crayons, i mean sharing the big things in life, like your life. Your vulnerable moments, your moments that you want no one to see. I like my privacy my special quiet times with Aubrey...and my very loud moments with my husband...
Today i question whether i am really up for this community thing...if i want my kids to never be in their own home, and bla bla bla.
And the other thing that made me angry today is seeing myself in an ever so overweight photo! Yuck...you know...!
laughter is the best gift
last night i have a fantastic night with the goodyear family and the vincent family...it was great times had by all but my favorite part of all is all the laughter it is good for the soul. As well as me and Margie's adventure saving kittens that i suppose mihgt have never needed saving after all.
I am heading tonight to a fundraising dinner for the place I used to work...really not exactly the best night of my life...but hopefully it will be fun...
cheers
I am heading tonight to a fundraising dinner for the place I used to work...really not exactly the best night of my life...but hopefully it will be fun...
cheers
lumps
Aubrey is really giggling now and it is so much fun to watch...i love it you can see her on You tube it is pretty cute.
being a mom is fantastic but i realize after going to a few doctors appointments that you body really goes through a lot. Since having Aubrey I have found out that i have low Iron, low B12. And today my doctor called me back and said i need to go see a gyno because i have a sist on my left side somewhere in you uterus. Kinda sucks...i feel like i need a break from my vagina being on show to the world , if you know what i mean. At any rate here i am wondering what the hell is going on with this body of mine.
i have had sist in the past in my left breast, i had it checked out and it was fine...but apparently i have more where that came from. New challenges every day i suppose.
To all those women out there who don't get annual physicals and don't do self breast examinations i highly recommend them! "You should try and stay healthy even if it means a little poking and proding"!
being a mom is fantastic but i realize after going to a few doctors appointments that you body really goes through a lot. Since having Aubrey I have found out that i have low Iron, low B12. And today my doctor called me back and said i need to go see a gyno because i have a sist on my left side somewhere in you uterus. Kinda sucks...i feel like i need a break from my vagina being on show to the world , if you know what i mean. At any rate here i am wondering what the hell is going on with this body of mine.
i have had sist in the past in my left breast, i had it checked out and it was fine...but apparently i have more where that came from. New challenges every day i suppose.
To all those women out there who don't get annual physicals and don't do self breast examinations i highly recommend them! "You should try and stay healthy even if it means a little poking and proding"!
my bed head
today i woke up with major bed head, one down fall to having short hair i suppose? nice to see that everyone is very concerned with the dogs...and the funny thing is Jord went over and met him yesterday said he was an alright guy...just maybe not that great with Dog's. OUch!
went to cultivate for part of the day yesterday and really enjoyed myself, apart from the hot wheather it was a great experience to chat about some of the relevant issues of churches and communities. One of the topics I went to was community living, it was a really interesting response. Most people hate the idea of sharing any kind of space, but they also appreciate the idea as well. after chatting about it more i realize that it could be a great thing it just is alot of effort...jord and I will have to see what it is like...my journal at that point might just turn into rants about community living.
baby is crying go to run
cheers
went to cultivate for part of the day yesterday and really enjoyed myself, apart from the hot wheather it was a great experience to chat about some of the relevant issues of churches and communities. One of the topics I went to was community living, it was a really interesting response. Most people hate the idea of sharing any kind of space, but they also appreciate the idea as well. after chatting about it more i realize that it could be a great thing it just is alot of effort...jord and I will have to see what it is like...my journal at that point might just turn into rants about community living.
baby is crying go to run
cheers
Three
Today i was letting my dog out or trying to get him to come in actually because the wheather is so great. When i saw a neighbour across the alley who has three puppies beat them and scream at them. My hair all over my body stood on end...so i called the SPCA and they said they can't do anything? It really tares me apart to see animals being treated like this. IT is awful. I really want to march over there and buy all the puppies that i can and bring them home. OR just take them up to the SPCA! sad how bad men make bad parents, bad dog raisers and there is nothing we can do about it.
So if anyone has any suggestion let me know...or even anyone you know who wants a puppy?
cause I might be inheriting three.
So if anyone has any suggestion let me know...or even anyone you know who wants a puppy?
cause I might be inheriting three.
back allies
well today i went to clean the backyard of all the things that kinda collect over the winter and to my dismay...two guys were yelling at each other for most of the time I was out there. oh the sound of fuck you's and bastard's all strung together reminds me that i have a back alley first off and secondly that it is spring. Allies filled with assholes and backyards that need to be cleaned some how the co-mingling of these two entities just seems one in the same in the hammer.
I do however love getting things all nice and ready for spring...it always looks so awful and ugly...and then comes the beauty that we have all been dying to see! Nice flowers and fresh looking grass...and oh well in the hammer you can't forget the smells! Today was one of the first days that I was able to get out and see my neighbours and unfortunately i told them that we were going to put our house up for sale? Sad i think it made her and yet i think that she life here for her...neighbours come and neighbours go! It really breaks my heart to leave and i will really struggle for some time about this. God, it is so nice to have my own place with my own garden and a house i can do with what i please.
signing off as the neighbour...who wishes she could stay a neighbour!
I do however love getting things all nice and ready for spring...it always looks so awful and ugly...and then comes the beauty that we have all been dying to see! Nice flowers and fresh looking grass...and oh well in the hammer you can't forget the smells! Today was one of the first days that I was able to get out and see my neighbours and unfortunately i told them that we were going to put our house up for sale? Sad i think it made her and yet i think that she life here for her...neighbours come and neighbours go! It really breaks my heart to leave and i will really struggle for some time about this. God, it is so nice to have my own place with my own garden and a house i can do with what i please.
signing off as the neighbour...who wishes she could stay a neighbour!
money money money
if it were true that money can grow on trees today would be the day that i would like to find that tree...we are going through some changes with a new house somewhere in the future...and a house to sell. With that said there are some added costs to buying and selling your house. one is you need to have money to make things nice a presentable so that you can get top dollar for your house!
But with all the money going out the window before the place is even on the market well lets say that is a little scary. So Jord went to get an egg mcmuffin today and the balance in the bank was zero! Ahhhhhhhh! Panic sets in and then i check the bank and sure enough cheques that were wrote a long time ago have been cashed and well etleast all the bills were paid!
this is my money rant....so if you find that tree could you let me know where it is rooted cause right now i need to find it!
cheers from one poor bastard to another
But with all the money going out the window before the place is even on the market well lets say that is a little scary. So Jord went to get an egg mcmuffin today and the balance in the bank was zero! Ahhhhhhhh! Panic sets in and then i check the bank and sure enough cheques that were wrote a long time ago have been cashed and well etleast all the bills were paid!
this is my money rant....so if you find that tree could you let me know where it is rooted cause right now i need to find it!
cheers from one poor bastard to another
the daddy review
so last night i went out to the fashion show leaving daddy to look after baby...as it turns out she was incrledibly fussy...but when I arrived back from the show she was sound asleep in his arms. (ironically he didn't tell me until we were in the car that she was sooo fussy)? well to say the least he did what he could but it seemed like it was just one of those nights i guess...
so today i had a doctor's appoinment that i had to go to so he looked after her again... and of course she was fussy...tired maybe and just a little off. And he said it was really hard and i could see it on his face once he told me. It really bothered him that he felt really angered by the situation. And he wanted to freak out he said...well maybe freak out isn't the right word...maybe more like he felt a little out of control with the emotions he was feeling. So we talked and he then thought i would never leave him home with her because he might hurt her? I was sure certain he would never hurt her?
It is funny how being a mom you just do it without thinking and you kinda just deal with the fussy days as they come...because at any moment your entire days plans can be gone in a whim. I think for guys it is just a little harder...they don't spend as much time with the child therefore the ways the child acts can be different from the last time they were alone with them. Right now Aubrey cries and fusses alot when she is sleepy. Kinda fitting the feeling i think...and that can be pretty persistant for an hour or so then she will give in and nap.
I wish there was some magic pill that made it easier for dads considering they only get so much time with the baby. But there is not and well it can be hard then to ever leave the baby home...not because you are worried about the baby but because you are worried about dad, getting too tired and feeling like a failure. I have had weeks and weeks and weeks of time to figure her out and meet her needs and he probably has a week maybe two of time spent with her alone...and i am being generous. So as the story goes we should never make the husband feel bad but only remind the of how much practice we have...that will hopefully put it all in perspective.
signing off as the mom who knows it's hard to mother when you are the dad
so today i had a doctor's appoinment that i had to go to so he looked after her again... and of course she was fussy...tired maybe and just a little off. And he said it was really hard and i could see it on his face once he told me. It really bothered him that he felt really angered by the situation. And he wanted to freak out he said...well maybe freak out isn't the right word...maybe more like he felt a little out of control with the emotions he was feeling. So we talked and he then thought i would never leave him home with her because he might hurt her? I was sure certain he would never hurt her?
It is funny how being a mom you just do it without thinking and you kinda just deal with the fussy days as they come...because at any moment your entire days plans can be gone in a whim. I think for guys it is just a little harder...they don't spend as much time with the child therefore the ways the child acts can be different from the last time they were alone with them. Right now Aubrey cries and fusses alot when she is sleepy. Kinda fitting the feeling i think...and that can be pretty persistant for an hour or so then she will give in and nap.
I wish there was some magic pill that made it easier for dads considering they only get so much time with the baby. But there is not and well it can be hard then to ever leave the baby home...not because you are worried about the baby but because you are worried about dad, getting too tired and feeling like a failure. I have had weeks and weeks and weeks of time to figure her out and meet her needs and he probably has a week maybe two of time spent with her alone...and i am being generous. So as the story goes we should never make the husband feel bad but only remind the of how much practice we have...that will hopefully put it all in perspective.
signing off as the mom who knows it's hard to mother when you are the dad
rainy wheather and a fashion show
tonight i am venturing out with two girlfriends leaving daddy to look after Aubrey! i am going to a fashion show and dinner. mostly interested in getting out and supporting my mom's house, all the procedes go to her house. So here i am just getting all geared up for a rare night out with the girls. I hope we have a good time.
new blog spot
so i am pissing off my husband today!!! I have an edge and as we speak he is kinda pissing me off too! the response that i have is well that's just life isn't it.
one thing i really hate is going to the mall...trying things on after having a baby is literal torchure, but at the same time it also can be nice to get something that fits your new body after having a kid...and i think it is safe to say that you really don't bounce back after nine weeks let alone if ever???
But i got a couple things i feel alright in and some that i tried on for hubby that once he saw made me realize maybe they should go back...at any rate that is life today.
We are also thinking or should i say are selling our house. we have lived here three years now and i think i feel a little sad to leave...i love moving don't get me wrong but the thought of it kinda scares me! On top of the fact that i will be living with other people....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
ya other people if you think you didn't hear it right the first time...we are going to dive head first into community living something i have done before but hated...so i guess i am going for a second round just for kicks.
signing off as the new person....fully expressed over the internet!
one thing i really hate is going to the mall...trying things on after having a baby is literal torchure, but at the same time it also can be nice to get something that fits your new body after having a kid...and i think it is safe to say that you really don't bounce back after nine weeks let alone if ever???
But i got a couple things i feel alright in and some that i tried on for hubby that once he saw made me realize maybe they should go back...at any rate that is life today.
We are also thinking or should i say are selling our house. we have lived here three years now and i think i feel a little sad to leave...i love moving don't get me wrong but the thought of it kinda scares me! On top of the fact that i will be living with other people....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
ya other people if you think you didn't hear it right the first time...we are going to dive head first into community living something i have done before but hated...so i guess i am going for a second round just for kicks.
signing off as the new person....fully expressed over the internet!
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