who can resist those little feet...
the swing
this photo is just so adorable...first off she is way to small to be in that swing...but the way her hair is and her eyes looking up it just melts my heart...it is such a privledge to be a mom... i tell Aubrey all the time that i would love it if she could stay small...remember the times we had to cuddle and laugh together...but i think she will find her own way...her own voice...and i really can't wait to see who she will become.
all moms out there can appreciate how special your time is with your little one...because they are only this little for so long..
community
community is it good? or is it bad? and when do we really experience true community? I would suggest it is only when we allow our selves to be changed by our experiences of people around us...to be good LISTENERS AND HEARERS of what people are telling us. We should no longer try and isolate people by bad humor, and " i told you so's" we shouldn't allow sarcasim, making fun of people and just plan hostile behaviours part of our daily exsistance because it just doesn't allow for true community. What isolates people is gay jokes, fat jokes, your too femaine jokes, and the list goes on. I must admit i was really senstive to these things before...but over the last year I have really allowed them to start becoming a part of my vocab again...and ashamed i admit that this is not community building of Christ living at all. Infact i am just like everyone else who isolates people can't talk seriously and is afraid of comfronting the people that say and do these types of things instead what is suppose to be a safe community.
we should never refer to people as that fat person, the ugly guy...the women who smells and so on and so forth...it is just not right and i stand frustrated with myself that i have changed who i was to someone who has for sure not allowed people to feel loved and cared for by the words that i have spoken...so lets clean up and get our mouth in check and we will see what a difference we can make by being inlcusive, loving, and kind.
we should never refer to people as that fat person, the ugly guy...the women who smells and so on and so forth...it is just not right and i stand frustrated with myself that i have changed who i was to someone who has for sure not allowed people to feel loved and cared for by the words that i have spoken...so lets clean up and get our mouth in check and we will see what a difference we can make by being inlcusive, loving, and kind.
planted a garden last night
i did the unthinkable really? I planted a garden even though I thought that i wouldn't because we are selling our house. But hey what the hell it was so much fun really and i just love the relaxation of doing something i love.
I did another unthinkable as well...i went to watch Jordan play ultimate frisbee and i ended up subing in for a couple of points because the team was short on girls. I can't run at all...it was so discouraging thing. I used to always be good of even better at sports...one year I won athlete of the year....that is a real laughing matter now. I can barely do a fligh of stairs without dying. So i decided i need to get more active and i think it is a good goal... i know it takes a long time to get your body back to normal but i wasn't expecting it would take a year...and at the rate i am going it may take a year.
from a mother who can't quiet believe she isn't and athlete anymore!
I did another unthinkable as well...i went to watch Jordan play ultimate frisbee and i ended up subing in for a couple of points because the team was short on girls. I can't run at all...it was so discouraging thing. I used to always be good of even better at sports...one year I won athlete of the year....that is a real laughing matter now. I can barely do a fligh of stairs without dying. So i decided i need to get more active and i think it is a good goal... i know it takes a long time to get your body back to normal but i wasn't expecting it would take a year...and at the rate i am going it may take a year.
from a mother who can't quiet believe she isn't and athlete anymore!
moving???
So our house has been for sale for three weeks? And we haven't had one person through...i am really dying to know what the issue is for real....but i am pretty sure i have a good guess...the hood...yep that is right...we live in it and it is hard to get out of...really we don't want to leave so much as we would really like to get a house that suites community living better. I wish there was some great future in selling this house but i know that it will be hard and the right person needs to be interested. So if you can pray that we get some action that would be great.
or maybe even pray that it does go better than it has....it is hard keeping a house up for nothing...
cheers from the hood
or maybe even pray that it does go better than it has....it is hard keeping a house up for nothing...
cheers from the hood
ready to blow
i think it is one of those days...long, hot, and it feels like it drags on forever. I rarely get frustrated with being a mom but today...i had nothing fun going on...you know those days when all you do is entertain entertain entertain...and then you realize the only thing you have done all day is talk baby talk...Jord said "why don't you go out?" i said there is nothing to do!
so i am rambling about on my blog which really isn't helping very much. I feel kinda despressed today...and not really sure if that is what it is? But even when i had moments while the baby was sleeping today i just simply did nothing...boring! I thought i should really get the house cleaned up because we are trying to sell! But i had no energy to do that...and i kinda feel a little hopeless about it really. It seems strange that we had our house on the market for two weeks and haven't had even one call at all. i am not sure if that is normal even if your real estate agent is on vacation or not? I wonder if we won't be able to sell, that kinda worries me because I think it would be easier to have a change before we move into community. And hell i don't think we could manage here it just isn't the right set up...but to be honest i really don't want to clean and look after the house for months and months while we try and sell it. i would rather sell it so that it moves quickly!
Anyways that is my rant, the real hard part is that when i feel this way...i always get angry and frustrated and mad...instead of just maybe crying. the other hard part is the person that i take the frustration out on is usually Jord...so sorry ahead of time k!
the ready to blow mother
so i am rambling about on my blog which really isn't helping very much. I feel kinda despressed today...and not really sure if that is what it is? But even when i had moments while the baby was sleeping today i just simply did nothing...boring! I thought i should really get the house cleaned up because we are trying to sell! But i had no energy to do that...and i kinda feel a little hopeless about it really. It seems strange that we had our house on the market for two weeks and haven't had even one call at all. i am not sure if that is normal even if your real estate agent is on vacation or not? I wonder if we won't be able to sell, that kinda worries me because I think it would be easier to have a change before we move into community. And hell i don't think we could manage here it just isn't the right set up...but to be honest i really don't want to clean and look after the house for months and months while we try and sell it. i would rather sell it so that it moves quickly!
Anyways that is my rant, the real hard part is that when i feel this way...i always get angry and frustrated and mad...instead of just maybe crying. the other hard part is the person that i take the frustration out on is usually Jord...so sorry ahead of time k!
the ready to blow mother
walking in hamilton
Jordan and I went for a walk yesterday...and we ran into a fight breaking out at a local bar! this guy just slapped a man across the face and was ready to kick his face in and then it broke up...nothing like it really, the smell of hamilton in the air fighting happening in the local bar...really lovely. i think next time i go for a walk i might bring my camera...i mean there was great action that all of you could have enjoyed with me!!! ha ha ha...it was actually really disturbing and weird for around 7:30 at night. i had little aubrey on the front of me in a little carrier and Jord was walking the dog...i think the man that was attacked was the owner of the bar? but i am not 1oo%. Anyhow that was the excitment for us yesterday on James street.
cheers to another crazy day in the hammer
cheers to another crazy day in the hammer
Daddy
So cute i could kiss them right now...come on i can't believe this is my little baby i love her so much. I love that one day this dad and girl will be able to share stories and laughter together...that one day he will feel like he has to protect her from everything...and then realize that he can't...dad's and little girls are very special...i just love these two and i can't wait to see how there relationship grows.
love mommy
Frustration station
How do you work it out..being all things to all people. Sometimes i feel like screaming! There is the house, the dog, the man, the baby the the the the...if you know what i mean. There really is no time to balance being great in all areas...and i hate to admit it but i am really failing in the wife department. For all of those women out there who have been married had a kid (or two)...tell me how you stay in love and getting all the things you need from each other when there is a baby involved...i want to be sexy, attractive and maybe even nice to look at every once and a while...but i have nothing in me when my head hits the pillow at then end of the night...i think there must be a women out there that has created some secret serum...where she takes it in the morning and by the end of the day everyone around her is happy. Baby is feed, dog is walked and the husband feels fulfilled. If anyone knows where to find that potion, lotion, drink, drug...can you pass it along...cause this wife is failing misurably at balancing it all.
I look around and it just seems like there is very few people out there that want to consider themselves a failure...they or might i saw we all want to be precieved as having all things together, and really no one can but i really just need someone on par with me to tell me that it is okay...that i am normal for having no sex drive and very little time to make all things work for the good of everyone...no romance, no anything....so if you are one with me on the perfect thing... let your hair down and lets talk seriously. Let's not just joke about it anymore and laugh of the things that are most frustrating...lets actually does this reality thing, vulnerability thing you know!
I look around and it just seems like there is very few people out there that want to consider themselves a failure...they or might i saw we all want to be precieved as having all things together, and really no one can but i really just need someone on par with me to tell me that it is okay...that i am normal for having no sex drive and very little time to make all things work for the good of everyone...no romance, no anything....so if you are one with me on the perfect thing... let your hair down and lets talk seriously. Let's not just joke about it anymore and laugh of the things that are most frustrating...lets actually does this reality thing, vulnerability thing you know!
intelligence?
intelligence..some where inside my mother brain here i do have some sort of intelliegence...just sometimes is fails me! i am thinking up ideas of what i can do when my maternity leave is over because i will need to coin. I realize being self employed isn't the greatest stategy because i won't get any EI when i am pregnant with number two. so i have thought of nothing hence the missing intelligence things. Anyhow if anyone has any good suggestions that would be great!
world is on fire
i had placed this video from sarah on my blog...second video down on the right hand side...and i thought it was a fantastic because it demonstrates how much waste there is on entertainment...i think we forget sometimes how the entertianment world that you and me, and the whole world is apart of really makes more money and spends more money than anything else in the world...(well that may not be fully true because athletes make millions a year for most of the games they play).
So the question is when i compare my life and spending to that of these thousands and millions of pop icons and their spending habits what is the paralel.
So here is what i came up with
A night out (movie and dinner) $22.00 movie,. $40.00 dinner total of 62.00 plus gas
shopping for groceries $200.00 every two weeks
diapers 70.00 per month
mortgage 610.00 per month
at the end of the day, jordan and I are on a tight budget but we still get all the things we need and want, really! and we waste a hell of alot on entertainment. So food for thought i suppose, we all point the finger at all these pop icons and athletes and well i guess what i am getting at is to live simply is the fucken hardest thing to do for all of us...
when i go out for a hot meal and a movie i rarely think about how i could have spent that money in a better way, No. I often think and justify how much i really need that experience and deserve it...can you relate! Yes i am sure you can, i just need this, i need that...and well then we begin to realize we are just like the athletes and the job bon jovi's of this world...taking our wants and somehow justifying them as needs.
signed off as another sad spender in this consumeristic world
So the question is when i compare my life and spending to that of these thousands and millions of pop icons and their spending habits what is the paralel.
So here is what i came up with
A night out (movie and dinner) $22.00 movie,. $40.00 dinner total of 62.00 plus gas
shopping for groceries $200.00 every two weeks
diapers 70.00 per month
mortgage 610.00 per month
at the end of the day, jordan and I are on a tight budget but we still get all the things we need and want, really! and we waste a hell of alot on entertainment. So food for thought i suppose, we all point the finger at all these pop icons and athletes and well i guess what i am getting at is to live simply is the fucken hardest thing to do for all of us...
when i go out for a hot meal and a movie i rarely think about how i could have spent that money in a better way, No. I often think and justify how much i really need that experience and deserve it...can you relate! Yes i am sure you can, i just need this, i need that...and well then we begin to realize we are just like the athletes and the job bon jovi's of this world...taking our wants and somehow justifying them as needs.
signed off as another sad spender in this consumeristic world
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