Of course i know that life is better understood when you can fully grasp why people make decisions that they do. I mean the more you understand where people come from and who they are and what makes them tick...you will understand them in the decisions that they make. I just am having the hardest time understanding how you give up on something like for instance marriage without giving it all you got.
I want to jump into the minds of two people that i love dearly and understand why they can't choose change over selfishnesss. I have been a sure advocate for being kinda self-seeking at times. But in this senario it just doesn't make sense. You see they have been married for some time now with two kids and they desperately need help in the area of knowing how to love each other and meet each others needs. But somewhere in this game "they might say" of marriage he isn't meeting her needs and she isn't meeting his. Far be it from me to have a clue what it will be like when i have been married 8 years and have two kids....will i forget who i am? Who do you become? But the last thing i would want it to give up.
I grew up refusing to be what my parents were in many respects failures at understanding who they were in the grand sceem of marriage. They didn't have the first clue!!! and well i promised myself that i would not go down that same path.
But i am watching as one of the marriages i loved and cared about and stood for...is coming to a very desperate spot...where the only thing that seems managable is to have one person leave. SHit that sucks. Watching it is even harder because i don't have any answers and certainly very little if any advice.
I will choose one thing though...to do anything and everything i can to support and help anyone who is in need of a place to live or stay and a place they can call home. That is all i can offer and really when i think back to what i bought the mary street house for i think it was for just that...and maybe just for this...But God damit it makes me angry that i can nothing else to offer than a bed and a voice that says welcome in...
I want to be that voice that gives people a reason to change and a reason to turn back to who they loved...i want to be the voice who says this is not acceptable...i want to be OUTSPOKEN ON MATTERS LIKE THESE... but i return to sanity where you find that no matter how much you say and how much you don't say they are one in the same...it will be TIME that will change things....I THINK?
A new day has begun
If you have been following my journal entries you will see the trend that i will write more once i am home in Hamilton. i really love being here...Today marks a great day for me...we are having a young kid come live with us for the year...i think it should be a great experience and i love having this house filled with people.
The summer at camp ended well but it was very hard season or our life. We love working in ministry and working for camp but we also love being in our home community...i wish the two were in the same place so that we wouldn't miss anything while we are gone for the summer. I have asked my husband to allow us to stay home for our vacation cause i really miss it that much...really funny eh? Everyone else in the world wants to go away...get out of the city but i just want to stay cause i have missed it sooo much...
Well time to depart... I am really looking forward to journaling again...
cheers
The summer at camp ended well but it was very hard season or our life. We love working in ministry and working for camp but we also love being in our home community...i wish the two were in the same place so that we wouldn't miss anything while we are gone for the summer. I have asked my husband to allow us to stay home for our vacation cause i really miss it that much...really funny eh? Everyone else in the world wants to go away...get out of the city but i just want to stay cause i have missed it sooo much...
Well time to depart... I am really looking forward to journaling again...
cheers
my life at camp
I have started working at camp full time for the summer, this year and it has been a real challenge. Having a love for kids i run an LIT program for christian kids ages15-16. It has been really great getting to know each one of them. I love the job and hate it all at once. But as you begin to get to know these kids more and more they are really amazing because they feel safe to share how they feel. And some of the hurts and pains of these kids lives comes out while sharing with some of my staff. It really breaks your heart to know how they have been hurt by strangers and family, and people that are suppose to protect them...
The other aspect of my life that is really hard right now is living in community. both me and my husband share a house with another couple. It has been really hard to share a home and share jobs as well. I have really learned a lot about living in communuity and how hard it really is. You all come with your own ways of seeing the world and how the home should function. Something really interesting is that we had never had a house meeting until all shit broke loose. But once that was handled it is like living in a new house. If i could suggest anything to people who are choosing to go this route of communial living that you need to take time to realize that is what you are doing and talk and act and live in that knowledge...otherwise you will try to live indepently of the community and that doesn't work....
At any rate things aren't perfect but we are on the road to a better understanding of what communtiy is? I think?
The other aspect of my life that is really hard right now is living in community. both me and my husband share a house with another couple. It has been really hard to share a home and share jobs as well. I have really learned a lot about living in communuity and how hard it really is. You all come with your own ways of seeing the world and how the home should function. Something really interesting is that we had never had a house meeting until all shit broke loose. But once that was handled it is like living in a new house. If i could suggest anything to people who are choosing to go this route of communial living that you need to take time to realize that is what you are doing and talk and act and live in that knowledge...otherwise you will try to live indepently of the community and that doesn't work....
At any rate things aren't perfect but we are on the road to a better understanding of what communtiy is? I think?
good to know who you are
What i wish i knew!
I know who I am
I know who i could become
I know who God can make me
I know what i was created for
I know that he is my rock
I know that he makes me whole
I know that sometimes i don''t know where he is
I know that i still trust Him!
What i know for sure
I am who i am today with all my mistakes
with all my shortcomings, I am in his Grace
JD
I know who I am
I know who i could become
I know who God can make me
I know what i was created for
I know that he is my rock
I know that he makes me whole
I know that sometimes i don''t know where he is
I know that i still trust Him!
What i know for sure
I am who i am today with all my mistakes
with all my shortcomings, I am in his Grace
JD
It has been to long
I haven't written in a really long time and i begin to feel an emence amount of saddness when i can't write too. The other day Jordan and i really struggled through a hard issue revolving around things i may not list. But it broke me to the core... we sat across from one another is a room full of silence hurt and pain. Pain sometimes is not intentional but evently it can become that. I cried as he shared and he cried as he confessed, eventually the pain turned into joy and hurt into holding each other. Evently our oneness overcame our selfishness, and thus began the journey of reconciliation between husband and wife. I do not believe i would have patience for these things unless ther was a spirit convicted me to care and share in other peoples burdens and pains. I love that! I love that my God knows that pain can turn into reconciliation. It really is the beauty of Christianity.
To all those who feel pain, know it and can rejoice to get out of it...praise one person for that...God. Otherwise the pain can stick on you like vomit!
Jill
To all those who feel pain, know it and can rejoice to get out of it...praise one person for that...God. Otherwise the pain can stick on you like vomit!
Jill
come what may
today i begin the journey to what you could call "sacrifice?" I know i know it may sound like i am self proclaiming my goodness but as the story unfolds it won't seem that way.
It began with the spread of a rumour that we needed someone to look after our house while we were gone. The next step was a phone call from someone who needed one. The next step was well getting into the idea and realizing that i would be sharing my home with other people? People i maybe don't know the habits of. If you were to ask my husband what i am like he would describe me as a little bit of a neat freak? opps! At any rate..it has taken me a long time to figure out how i would allow other people to move into my bed, my cupboards, my home essientially? I am about to meet the people and show them around tonight. They are a family and well.... the thought of a family here really makes me so excited. But i do feel that sense of well...it is my home...and well what rules should i make? What should they pay if they break something? What if they never pay? All these thoughts are still running through my mind but i am realizing really how great this process is. I am glad that God continues to teach me and i am sure when the summer is over and we return back to mary...(that is the name of our house) I will know much more about why this process started and where it will take us.
Jill
It began with the spread of a rumour that we needed someone to look after our house while we were gone. The next step was a phone call from someone who needed one. The next step was well getting into the idea and realizing that i would be sharing my home with other people? People i maybe don't know the habits of. If you were to ask my husband what i am like he would describe me as a little bit of a neat freak? opps! At any rate..it has taken me a long time to figure out how i would allow other people to move into my bed, my cupboards, my home essientially? I am about to meet the people and show them around tonight. They are a family and well.... the thought of a family here really makes me so excited. But i do feel that sense of well...it is my home...and well what rules should i make? What should they pay if they break something? What if they never pay? All these thoughts are still running through my mind but i am realizing really how great this process is. I am glad that God continues to teach me and i am sure when the summer is over and we return back to mary...(that is the name of our house) I will know much more about why this process started and where it will take us.
Jill
the kids on my street
There is a house only about 7 down from mine. It has all these kids in it with a lawn that is covered in crap...whatever you can think of is on their lawn. Today was about the 20ith time the cops have been to there place. I was sitting in my house just resting on the couch and I was jolted awake when i heard..."fuck you you stupid bitch" i went to the window and there was one of them yelling at one of the girls. I wanted to go out there and kick that kids ass. But i was thinking you never know if these kids carry guns? What at thought huh?
So i grabbed my sweater and went to the porch to see what i could see outside. And there they all were outside in their landfill front yard talking to three cops. The cops aren't saying much and the kids are just trying as hard as they can to keep their cool. As i gazed the street, all the people in the neighbourhood were out to see what was going on? I came back into my house once it all settled down, and thought of all the ways i could get these dumb ass kids out of my neighbourhood? ha...nice one eh? Then i began to reflect about what i could do to reach out and maybe see what these kids are all about. I am not sure how they live in the place they do? Where they get their money? But there are no parents there, and their is a new puppy that has somehow made it into the mix. when i was thinking about them and it brought tears to my eyes..i wished that i was a guy...I desperately wanted to invite them over for pizza and kinda just see what they are like? Made me really nervous and i knew it wouln't be the best thing considering Jord wasn't home. But it was then that i realized that i really want to love kids that have rough lives...that have to make it on the street...I am thankful for where I am cause there is no escaping the reality of who i want to become. I hear loud noises, neighbours that don't just say to there dogs "come here" they yell "get in here you asshole" It kinda makes me laugh...real people...you would never experience that in other neighbourhoods.
I often think about what kind of lives these kids have had? What they have experienced growing up...I know that they desperately need love! So i was hoping that my friend would come here one day and make friends with these neighbours? I would like to see what he could teach me...what he would do...if he would protect them care for them and love them? It would be nice to see what happens....i want to give them hope for something...dignity...humaity!
I thank God for 230 Mary...i had a gentle reminder of why i am here!
So i grabbed my sweater and went to the porch to see what i could see outside. And there they all were outside in their landfill front yard talking to three cops. The cops aren't saying much and the kids are just trying as hard as they can to keep their cool. As i gazed the street, all the people in the neighbourhood were out to see what was going on? I came back into my house once it all settled down, and thought of all the ways i could get these dumb ass kids out of my neighbourhood? ha...nice one eh? Then i began to reflect about what i could do to reach out and maybe see what these kids are all about. I am not sure how they live in the place they do? Where they get their money? But there are no parents there, and their is a new puppy that has somehow made it into the mix. when i was thinking about them and it brought tears to my eyes..i wished that i was a guy...I desperately wanted to invite them over for pizza and kinda just see what they are like? Made me really nervous and i knew it wouln't be the best thing considering Jord wasn't home. But it was then that i realized that i really want to love kids that have rough lives...that have to make it on the street...I am thankful for where I am cause there is no escaping the reality of who i want to become. I hear loud noises, neighbours that don't just say to there dogs "come here" they yell "get in here you asshole" It kinda makes me laugh...real people...you would never experience that in other neighbourhoods.
I often think about what kind of lives these kids have had? What they have experienced growing up...I know that they desperately need love! So i was hoping that my friend would come here one day and make friends with these neighbours? I would like to see what he could teach me...what he would do...if he would protect them care for them and love them? It would be nice to see what happens....i want to give them hope for something...dignity...humaity!
I thank God for 230 Mary...i had a gentle reminder of why i am here!
is someone playing some sick joke on me?
I often wonder if there is someone playing a crule joke on me. I grew up being a pretty stable person not much really fazed me, my looks, my personality...but now it feels like i am falling appart? My confidence becomes reliant on my weight and my measuring stick is not longer myself. It is every girl out there that knows that they have beat me. My sister my friends, i was always the one who was considered the small one. Now i look at all the friends that i know or once new and the goal is losing wieght and being skinny. Now i am the one looking in the mirror asking myself the question "what do i do" I hate the way I look and people know i have gained weight...and well i suppose to beleive my husband who tells me i am Beautiful! Ha, ya right the only filter that i have is me and the rest of the female persuasion that tells me who i am...not some man who doesn't know the differnce between size 8 and size 13. I do and I hate it and i loath it and i spite it....this ideal...Guys often think that we are beautful. But they are not the enemy in the pitiful game...it is the other women, the best friend, the sister, the mother. Weird? (You may think to yourself if you are a guy?) But its really true!
I was speaking to my girlfriend and she weighs less than me now and I was very vulnerable with her about this over the phone...that i wasn't feeling good that i knew i had gained the married pounds. She once stood in my shoes, where i am now...but guess what? she told me all the wrong things..she took me to all the stores and tried on all the outfits...it just hurt...myabe I have the wrong friends? I am not sure? But you currently can't choose your family...and even then things are said. I told my weight to my sister and it was as if i made her feel better. I imagined that she said to herself...(wow i don't weigh that much and i am a foot taller than her?) I sunk in my chair...It doesn't matter what you teach a girl this will always happen. It is like this vicous circle and it will never stop. Girls compare to girls.
I ask God to allow me see that i am defined my him...to rest in his glory...but i fear that if i do find significance in God ( i won''t care about what i weigh?) Does that sound weird or what! The other issue is that i really don't know if this is normal? Do you gain weight in your mid twenties? Do you go on the Pill and gain weight and when you stop it takes months to loose? Ahhhhhh! I have no one that i really feel comfortable asking these questions too. One i don't trust the women I know to give honest anwers because they filter it through their own weight issues.
Heck though, man i really sympathize with other women that struggle with this issue. And i have apoligized to women that i have hurt in this way when i was really small. I was insensitive and mean...and well i never knew how destructive it was! I only write about this issue on rare occasion this may be my second time. I have weird thoughts though like i should be pregnant to weigh and look like i do! I mean i know pregnant women that are trying to loose weight but they have a reason you know kinda a excuse to look a little more overweight? At the end of the day...I feel no better or worse about myself when i write it but i really do wish that i could find that one person to continue to come along side me with this and nurture a correct behaviour... i was thinking to myself today...what do you label someone like me...I am not anorexic, bulimic, or obesise...i am just sick in the mind? IF that make sense.
signed off
I was speaking to my girlfriend and she weighs less than me now and I was very vulnerable with her about this over the phone...that i wasn't feeling good that i knew i had gained the married pounds. She once stood in my shoes, where i am now...but guess what? she told me all the wrong things..she took me to all the stores and tried on all the outfits...it just hurt...myabe I have the wrong friends? I am not sure? But you currently can't choose your family...and even then things are said. I told my weight to my sister and it was as if i made her feel better. I imagined that she said to herself...(wow i don't weigh that much and i am a foot taller than her?) I sunk in my chair...It doesn't matter what you teach a girl this will always happen. It is like this vicous circle and it will never stop. Girls compare to girls.
I ask God to allow me see that i am defined my him...to rest in his glory...but i fear that if i do find significance in God ( i won''t care about what i weigh?) Does that sound weird or what! The other issue is that i really don't know if this is normal? Do you gain weight in your mid twenties? Do you go on the Pill and gain weight and when you stop it takes months to loose? Ahhhhhh! I have no one that i really feel comfortable asking these questions too. One i don't trust the women I know to give honest anwers because they filter it through their own weight issues.
Heck though, man i really sympathize with other women that struggle with this issue. And i have apoligized to women that i have hurt in this way when i was really small. I was insensitive and mean...and well i never knew how destructive it was! I only write about this issue on rare occasion this may be my second time. I have weird thoughts though like i should be pregnant to weigh and look like i do! I mean i know pregnant women that are trying to loose weight but they have a reason you know kinda a excuse to look a little more overweight? At the end of the day...I feel no better or worse about myself when i write it but i really do wish that i could find that one person to continue to come along side me with this and nurture a correct behaviour... i was thinking to myself today...what do you label someone like me...I am not anorexic, bulimic, or obesise...i am just sick in the mind? IF that make sense.
signed off
i still can feel the tension
I went away to chicago where the hussle and bussel is everywhere. there i was at a conference, in a church that was so big i felt like the mall that i have in my town is small in camparision. Strange really the fact that this place was so large anyone who didn't know the place had a map to get around with...I was surrounded by the white man in every direction i looked it was a church that was populated by the rich white man. And the american one at that. i was really enthralled with the training that they have, but really confused at the idea of the people that are God's people where missing. they don't have fast cars and nice homes, they live on the streets and in the tiny spaces no one sees. Well to say the least i have learned that i would never attend a church of 20,000...where is the relationship there?
The evidence
The evidence tells you everything right? Well here we are living in a inner-city community we have no evidence of the fact that we are here and making an impact on our community. This really got to me. But since having a decusion with some friends i have realized that you never arrive at where you are by shere wanting. You need to build your relationship, pour into one another and notice the change that is happening between me husband and I. At the root of it all the evidence is clear we are stuggling to know and be in a love relationship with each other. Maybe God is some weird way has not brought people to join us here because we are not prepared yet. I do however have that longing for the community aspect of things but i recognize the bigger picture. It sets me free from the chains that say you need evidence of what and who you are now. Well just ask jord and there will be evidence in our marriage.
the evidence doesn't need to speak in the case that two hearts are becoming one. I see it in him (jord) and i hope he sees it in me. I will search no longer for evidence in community until we are finished with working on being one.
the evidence doesn't need to speak in the case that two hearts are becoming one. I see it in him (jord) and i hope he sees it in me. I will search no longer for evidence in community until we are finished with working on being one.
I often question?
Sometimes i really am bombarded with the ideas of others. I am moved people's decisions and someone's comments always cause me to question. See here i am a person who states i have been a christian since i was a young girl. Yep that was me...nobody made me do it...it just kinda was a personal decision. Well know that i am 23 and yes i know that is not very old, i question a lot that people have to say in the Christian world. Not sure really if I want to buy everything that i hear...and i often defend those that are not your so called Christians. At any rate...here i am trying to understand how we can interpret the scriptures without a teacher? And when we have a teacher who is he/she? I sometimes think there is only a few that i trust, but i generally trust them because they see the world the way i do. What do i do with those teachers who don't. Well i want to toss what they say away. I don't even want to be in the same room. When i speak of Jesus it really bothers me that the only way certain people say you can know him is through the bible? i have a really hard time justifying the person of Christ and knowing him through words. Sometimes words that i make into my own unless someone is teaching me what they mean. At the risk of sounding silly, what the hell..you know?
I read the message written by NT Wright on the John 15 i am the vine you are the branches and i am enlightened that he presents the person of Jesus, the history of the Jewish people and then the understanding of the text and what it may mean. I liked what he had to say. My husband found it so don't ask me where? But someone i am under authority of tell me this long interpretation of this passage and it makes me want to vomit out...."who is the Christ you know?" cause i don't know a Christ who said you will know me through the scriptures mostly! I thought he was a Christ the showed us how to live and who he lived his life with...if we are to know a person should we not do as the person...and i am not just talking about living the fruits of the spirit i mean actually being like Jesus to the poor the lonely and the oppressed.
I think that is all...i need to find a teacher that i can learn from? anyone know of someone?
jill
I read the message written by NT Wright on the John 15 i am the vine you are the branches and i am enlightened that he presents the person of Jesus, the history of the Jewish people and then the understanding of the text and what it may mean. I liked what he had to say. My husband found it so don't ask me where? But someone i am under authority of tell me this long interpretation of this passage and it makes me want to vomit out...."who is the Christ you know?" cause i don't know a Christ who said you will know me through the scriptures mostly! I thought he was a Christ the showed us how to live and who he lived his life with...if we are to know a person should we not do as the person...and i am not just talking about living the fruits of the spirit i mean actually being like Jesus to the poor the lonely and the oppressed.
I think that is all...i need to find a teacher that i can learn from? anyone know of someone?
jill
at the risk of sounding like a naturopath
I have recently discovered that i didn't enjoy who i was. That most or all of my time spent was either being upset or getting upset in that moment. You may laugh but i have choosen to go off what we call the thing that saves us all from not having Children "at the wrong time". I have spoken to many women that have said that the Pill makes you feel crazy, fat, and well lets just say not good. I may have been told by a few people that i could just be experiencing "marriage" but i still new i wasn't who i wanted to be. So i am not a crunchy granola...although i do believe their values to be good...but i am a women saying somethings gotta give and well the first step is getting rid of that dam Pill.
I will let you all know if this is making a differnce in me? I would be curious to see...so far i feel better...HA wouldn't the doctors love that?
signed
the one who no longer partakes of the Pill
I will let you all know if this is making a differnce in me? I would be curious to see...so far i feel better...HA wouldn't the doctors love that?
signed
the one who no longer partakes of the Pill
Marriage??
Marriage...you look forward to it...you are suppose to dream about as a girl...make a scrap book of it...and remember forever....The cost..... thousands, and i am not just talking money.
I reflect after being married only four months now. We being my husband and I have had an interesting beginning. It started really well and it continues to be good just maybe not fantastic. I mean every girl i think in this world has some sort of distorted view about marriage whether positive or negative. I on the other hand thought that i had a realistic view of what marriage would be...full of ups and downs and lots of hard work. Well i was right....and then some! My husband and I, we have found that we are actually complete opposites, he is intoverted i am extroverted. He is a thinking person, i am a feeling person. To put it clearly we are polar opposited in regards to how we view life.
I am drained tired and afraid that we need the help of somebody else to help us communicate and hear each other. I guess i should not be afraid that we need help just more wished that my fantasy's were true...that it simply gets easier and that you begin to understand each other more as time goes on. I feel the opposite of that i feel we are losing what we worked hard for and are gaining only walls that will tear this relationship a part. I fear for the times when i want to run, when i tell myself that being on this earth sucks. When i am suppose to love, my natural instint is to hate. Then i begin to hate the person that this marriage has created. Bitter, removed, never smiling and always wondering when the touch of my beloved husband would be nice and warm and kind.
I will not remove the blame of most of what has happened between us on him. He is not at fault. I come from a twisted background where all i saw was conflict and power and control issues between my parents. The tools that i gained i have not applied to my own life, but merely give advice to others. I feel most days like i am starting a cycle of depression and lonliness and hatred for the God that i am to call saviour. I call out and he does not answer, i seek but there is no place to find him. Desperate to not repeat my mothers and my fathers cycle's i fight and fight and fight...but i become what i do not want and i repeat the only thing that i new. As i was a child i thought like a child and frankly that doesn't change the moment that you are married...i continue my childish ways. It would just feel better not to feel, to close all the doors to my heart to not allow anyone into the deepest pains in my life....but adure, i hear my voice calling out and saying i will not be beaten and i will not be broken by my faults ....i will prevail...i will previal.....come out of the ashes of despair and come out of the dark and weary places....come out come out....
I retreat in fear of rejection...that i will speak and not be hear..... that i will talk and someone will think that i am dumb...that i will lead and no one will follow.
signed the prisoner of my own faults.....
I reflect after being married only four months now. We being my husband and I have had an interesting beginning. It started really well and it continues to be good just maybe not fantastic. I mean every girl i think in this world has some sort of distorted view about marriage whether positive or negative. I on the other hand thought that i had a realistic view of what marriage would be...full of ups and downs and lots of hard work. Well i was right....and then some! My husband and I, we have found that we are actually complete opposites, he is intoverted i am extroverted. He is a thinking person, i am a feeling person. To put it clearly we are polar opposited in regards to how we view life.
I am drained tired and afraid that we need the help of somebody else to help us communicate and hear each other. I guess i should not be afraid that we need help just more wished that my fantasy's were true...that it simply gets easier and that you begin to understand each other more as time goes on. I feel the opposite of that i feel we are losing what we worked hard for and are gaining only walls that will tear this relationship a part. I fear for the times when i want to run, when i tell myself that being on this earth sucks. When i am suppose to love, my natural instint is to hate. Then i begin to hate the person that this marriage has created. Bitter, removed, never smiling and always wondering when the touch of my beloved husband would be nice and warm and kind.
I will not remove the blame of most of what has happened between us on him. He is not at fault. I come from a twisted background where all i saw was conflict and power and control issues between my parents. The tools that i gained i have not applied to my own life, but merely give advice to others. I feel most days like i am starting a cycle of depression and lonliness and hatred for the God that i am to call saviour. I call out and he does not answer, i seek but there is no place to find him. Desperate to not repeat my mothers and my fathers cycle's i fight and fight and fight...but i become what i do not want and i repeat the only thing that i new. As i was a child i thought like a child and frankly that doesn't change the moment that you are married...i continue my childish ways. It would just feel better not to feel, to close all the doors to my heart to not allow anyone into the deepest pains in my life....but adure, i hear my voice calling out and saying i will not be beaten and i will not be broken by my faults ....i will prevail...i will previal.....come out of the ashes of despair and come out of the dark and weary places....come out come out....
I retreat in fear of rejection...that i will speak and not be hear..... that i will talk and someone will think that i am dumb...that i will lead and no one will follow.
signed the prisoner of my own faults.....
who knows?
Sometimes i get lost in the idea of what the church is suppose to be...frankly i don't enjoy going when i do...today was different! I think maybe i changed my mind...but either way there are still times of frustration, but a new way at looking at the people. I think to myself that maybe the people of God are not always found in church, they are found everywhere....I would like to begin to know them, because it seems that there is hope that they might be more sincere than the people we find inside the buildings that we have call church...just a thought...
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