new day.... new thoughts....
Everyone seems to tell you that they have community figured out. Is it easier to see the forest when you are out of it? I don't know? that is what someone said to my husband about why he moved out of Hamilton. He lived here for 15 years and allowed youth to stay in his house, live there cook there, sleep there. then one day he said i should distance myself. What? Does distance give you prespective? I thought that living admist it did. Maybe he knows what he is talking about but i generally had that sense that he bailed when it got a little to close to home.
humans have lost their humanity
this weekend i watched as a young girl sat in a circle of 30 people and shared that she is bi-polar...i watched as her hands shook and her eyes began to well up with fear of the group not hearing her. I know she was afraid cause her voice shook. She was with us in the summer, she looks back and can't remember much cause she was in a state of mania. She was afraid she said all weekend that someone would tell her to be quiet and get angry with her. But she was quiet and she even asked that i give her her pill.(and i couldn't even do it, i remember now that i almost did everything, to not have to do it, i didn't even want to hold the pills in my hand. I made my husband do it...pathetic? i know) I loved the way she was before...she laughed she interupted and she even really frustrated me. But she made me learn to love and she made me learn to cry and she made me want to open my home to her.
Now she is quiet and reserved. she says that she has to sleep lots because of the lithum that is in her meds. Is that right? Should she be changed into us? Should she be told unless she does take this medication she won't be able to contribute to society?
i care about her, and i really feel like she has so much to offer, more than any other 16 year old that i know. She was the only one who would admit that she may no longer believe in Jesus that whole weekend? She is the only one who would tell you who she really was! Now she is the only one who has to mask her excitment, and blur her thoughts, and become lithargic, so we can feel safe!
what kind of people are we that we allow the people who are different to be put away, put on meds and told they need to conform or else?
I don't know do you?
Humans have lost their humanity...
Now she is quiet and reserved. she says that she has to sleep lots because of the lithum that is in her meds. Is that right? Should she be changed into us? Should she be told unless she does take this medication she won't be able to contribute to society?
i care about her, and i really feel like she has so much to offer, more than any other 16 year old that i know. She was the only one who would admit that she may no longer believe in Jesus that whole weekend? She is the only one who would tell you who she really was! Now she is the only one who has to mask her excitment, and blur her thoughts, and become lithargic, so we can feel safe!
what kind of people are we that we allow the people who are different to be put away, put on meds and told they need to conform or else?
I don't know do you?
Humans have lost their humanity...
a new way of being
Today i began what you call the journal that took a life time to start. When i was hearing about and seeing what people did in these journals i was a little intrigued and then i found myself thinking, does everyone think that we want to read their inner most thoughts all the time?
Is this some new way of expressing who we are? And simply deciding it is better to hide behind a computer screen then actually know our friends, neighbours and family? Who am i kidding, the release i assume that is attached to blogging must be present cause everyone i know is doing this. It still makes me questions whether we are all hiding from ourselves and everyone else, but what the hell do i know? I am now in doing the very thing I thought i hated!
My thoughts as of present are always around the idea of knowledge and knowing things. I feel like I spend most my days and nights defining who i am by what i "know" or what knowledge i can gain. But i find myself realizing the more i seek knowledge the less i know who i am? sometimes, well actually all the time i feel i am in a room of people who want to know who they are and what role they play in life. They ask themselves "what makes me valuable?" and "what knowledge do i have, that can make me smart or seem like i understand something?" I want to tell all these people to come into the reality that we are all just seeking the thrill of being heard and the love of our own opinions being heard and repeated and valued!
ha...i make a mockery of myself here because i do this too. How the hell do you get out of this? How do you live and not worry about others? How do you love without conditions? and how do you write without the hopes that someone, anyone will hear your voice and agree?
a new way of being
even in the name i choose i hope someone will be impressed and intrigued by its true meaning? What the Hell?
Is this some new way of expressing who we are? And simply deciding it is better to hide behind a computer screen then actually know our friends, neighbours and family? Who am i kidding, the release i assume that is attached to blogging must be present cause everyone i know is doing this. It still makes me questions whether we are all hiding from ourselves and everyone else, but what the hell do i know? I am now in doing the very thing I thought i hated!
My thoughts as of present are always around the idea of knowledge and knowing things. I feel like I spend most my days and nights defining who i am by what i "know" or what knowledge i can gain. But i find myself realizing the more i seek knowledge the less i know who i am? sometimes, well actually all the time i feel i am in a room of people who want to know who they are and what role they play in life. They ask themselves "what makes me valuable?" and "what knowledge do i have, that can make me smart or seem like i understand something?" I want to tell all these people to come into the reality that we are all just seeking the thrill of being heard and the love of our own opinions being heard and repeated and valued!
ha...i make a mockery of myself here because i do this too. How the hell do you get out of this? How do you live and not worry about others? How do you love without conditions? and how do you write without the hopes that someone, anyone will hear your voice and agree?
a new way of being
even in the name i choose i hope someone will be impressed and intrigued by its true meaning? What the Hell?
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